Thursday, August 20, 2009

A day in the life of my "chosen lifestyle"

It was a beautiful day in the neighborhood and I'm still on vacation, so I thought it might be a good time to invite anyone who's interested into "a day in the life of that 'chosen lifestyle'" that has so many knickers in a twist.

So here goes:

Wake up to "The Today Show." Get to drink coffee in bed and find out more than I wanted to know about the "Real Housewives of Atlanta" and see the results of some doggie makeovers.

Hear on the national weather report that there were tornadoes spotted near Minneapolis and tell Louise someone will be blaming them on the ELCA movement forward on gay clergy. Eat some fruit and yogurt for breakfast.

Empty the dishwasher, put in a load of laundry and chase Juno around trying to put the ointment in her we're-not-sure-what-happened-but-she-has-some-kind-of-infection eye.

Next door neighbor tells me "All Saints is in the news again" -- waving the local paper. (It's the Health Care Reform story from yesterday.) "You go get'em!" (OK -- we will!)

Put wheelbarrow with flat tire in the back of the Volvo. Go to wash-it-yourself car wash and restore visibility through windshield to aforementioned Volvo. Go to local gas station and ask nice man to take a look at wheelbarrow tire. Find out that inner tube is "busted." Go to local hardware store. Wait while nice man replaces inner tube.

Back home. Fold one load of laundry. Put another in the dryer. Dig hoe and rake out of garage and clean out flower bed along front sidewalk for new planting planned for Friday. Trim hedges while I'm at it. Sweep up mess.

Shower. "Suit up." Head downtown to the California Endowment for a roundtable hosted by Maria Shriver's office on "the status of women in America." (We're the LGBT panel.)

[Fun Facts to Know and Tell About Women in America: The last national "status of women" report was commissioned (are you ready?) when John Fitzgerald Kennedy was president. No kidding!]

Hear on the radio on the way down the 110 that a Blackhawk helicopter crashed on a training exercise in Colorado. Break the law and call Jamie ON my cellphone WHILE driving to make sure he's OK. He's OK but four other soldiers aren't. "Don't worry, Mom -- I'm safer in my helicopter than you are talking on your phone on the freeway," says my son.

He has a point.

Hang up the phone and say prayers for the families of those in the helicopter accident.

Arrive at "women's roundtable" session. Grab some lunch off the buffet table. Have a great 90 minutes with some fabulous people. Hand out a bunch of my cards to those who say, "We've been looking for a church."

Head home via Orchard Hardware. Buy a garden hose to replace the one the dog (with infected eye) chewed up -- along with compost for aforementioned flower beds and various other household "stuff."

Unload car. Fold another load of laundry. Check email and find link to article about Minnesota Baptist who blames tornadoes on gay Lutherans. (Ya, shure, you betcha!)

Proof read curriculum project Louise is working on while she grills some supper. Curriculum is brilliant -- supper is yummy.

She goes back to write some more and I watch the Dodgers try to beat the Cubs. Download vacation pictures from Kentucky. Post some to my blog. Decide to write "a day in the life of my chosen lifestyle" blog. Russell Martin hits a grand slam and I scare the dogs (and send the cat under the bed) "woo hooing."

I'll make it til the end of the game. Chase the puppy around again to get more ointment in her eye before bed. Turn in and -- if I'm lucky -- get another chapter read in the Rebecca Wells novel I've got going before signing off for the night.

And that's all, folks. My "chosen lifestyle." Be afraid. Be very afraid.


Will said...

I'm very afraid. I have a wheelbarrow with a leak in the inner tube valve stem.

Allie said...

:places tongue in cheek:

I thought those "people like you" who "choose that lifestyle" also know how to fix tires. Isn't that part of that "lesbian thing?"

:removes tongue from cheek:

ps: the capcha for this post is "faries."

Jim said...

Well there we are! How scary can it get. Next thing you know your lifestyle will be like, ya know, normal! Then who will the bigots have to feed their need for superiority?


SCG said...

OK, wait a minute! Where is the "destroy the American family!" in that accounting? You must have squeezed that in somewhere?
Your "chosen lifestyle" is far more exciting than mine. I'm trying to finish my taxes, so I can wrap up the extension, and renew my state licenses, so I can continue my practice and contribute to the economy. Eek! Yes, even those of us with that "chosen lifestyle" do those mundane, and necesssary, things, too!

Two Auntees said...

Sarah and I ran into a sociology professor from the local university whose class we had spoken to. He told us we had opened lots of eyes in his class and that they were amazed and had lots of positive things to say about us. I told Sarah later it was because we are so boringly normal!

Wormwood's Doxy said...

Susan!!! I have finally realized what everyone is so afraid of!

It must be that your abnormal level of productivity will make the rest of us look like lazy slackers! ;-)


p.s. The capcha (thanks Allie!) is "parit"--as in, maybe you should pare down your To Do list.


Not to worry ... today so far all I've done is go out to brunch, watch the Lutheran's on the web and think about getting to see Diana Krall at the Hollywood Bowl tonight.

Bruce said...

I liked this comment on the Minneapolis paper's article on the Baptist preacher's assertion that the tornadoes had something to do with the ELCA assembly's vote:

"Perhaps – because the tornado took no lives (last i heard anyway), Jesus in fact moderated the effect of the tornado.

So instead of hitting the Convention Center, collapsing it and killing all those sinners, instead Jesus saved that faithful flock from the tornado because they’re finally understanding his message of acceptance and unconditional love by embracing those who’s human love involves others of the same sex.

Just a thought of course."

Down here in Hurricane Alley, we regularly here from our similar-thinking brothers and sisters that Hurricane (insert name here) was God's wrath for the big gay bash on Pensacola Beach every Memorial Day.

Actually, I think Jon Stewart got it right when he pointed out that Hurricane Katrina destroyed so much of New Orleans, but left the decadent French Quarter and all the gay bars essentially intact: God obviously doesn't hate gays, rather he hates the "gay adjacent."

So, be careful who your neighbors are.