Sunday, April 03, 2011

A Question for James Dobson: "Why Can't I Own Canadians?"

Here's one that's been around for awhile but is now making the rounds as a Letter to James Dobson (of "Focus on the Family" Fame.) Thanks to Elizabeth Kaeton for the link:

Dear Dr. Dobson:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I have learned a great deal from you and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. For example, when people try to defend the homosexual lifestyle, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's laws and how to follow them:

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves--both male and female--provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not to Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Leviticus. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

4. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states that he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

5. A friend of mine feels that, even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Leviticus 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there "degrees" of abomination?

6. Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20-20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

7. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed--including the hair around their temples--even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19:27. How should they die?

8. I know from Leviticus 11:7-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

9. My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field--as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton-polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Leviticus 24:10-16)? Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Leviticus 20:14)?

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.


keith nethery said...

As a Canadian, I'm not in favour of you being able to own me, but given we have an unnecessary federal election now on the go, I do have several hundred politicans you can have for the cost of transporting them to you

Malcolm+ said...

Now Kieth. Good things may come of this election. David Akins says the Tories are unlikely to get their majority, but that we may see the beginning of the end of the Tory-Lite (all the neoconservatism plus a double dose of corruption) Liberal Party.

In any event, would you really want to own us, Susan? We're pretty feisty.


LG ... note comment below on earlier post.

We're done playing "I get to tell you what the Bible means."

Jim Kline said...

This brilliant and thought-provoking piece of writing was originally a scene in the television series, "The West Wing."

whiteycat said...

This is excellent! I'm going to make a copy.